an adventure well worth taking

last night i was sitting in the lower apartment, talking to jake about some apartments i had been looking at when we decided to figure out where one actually was. while looking at the map, i said to jake, "hey, what's that??", referring to the strange set of streets set up like a circle. he said, "i don't know, let's see if we can figure it out." so we changed to the satellite map (really cool function of google maps by the way) and zoomed in a bit to see what it was. well, we could tell there were a bunch of houses around the circles, but what peaked our interest was the large building located in the center of the circles. we had no idea what it was. and thus the adventure was born. we jumped in the truck and headed for this strange anomaly of road design. upon arriving, we got a bit lost, drove around the circle for a while, and finally reached the center. it was a storm shelter. apparently this strange set of roads was a trailer park, and the building in the center was a storm shelter/rec center for people living in the park. well, we promptly took our pictures there, jumped back in the truck and drove off as fast as we could, for fear of being threatened with a shotgun.

i love college and the miscellaneous late night hyjinx that occur. i hope that doesn't stop once i'm graduated and into the working world.

debunking the myth of soulmates

i happened across a very interesting article the other day on relevant magazine's website. if you'd like to read it, here is a link to it. LINK and now for my thoughts on it.

i think this article made a really good point. i think the idea of soulmate's or "the one" becomes a scapegoat in our society. how many people say something to the effect of "they just weren't the one" or "we fell out of love" when things get hard and they get divorced. wasn't that what the wedding was supposed to be about, declaring to the world that that person was your "one" for the rest of your life? apparently not though. or what about someone who remarries after their spouse passes away? did that person draw the good straw in life, and have two "ones"? i find that a bit of a stretch. and the other thing to think about is that people are imperfect and make bad decisions sometimes. so what if my "one" happens to marry someone else? am i supposed to wait around for them to figure out they aren't meant to be together or do i just find someone else, how may not be my specific one, and then cause trouble for someone else? i think there are just too many factors in the whole scheme of relationships and marriage to try and pin it down that definitively.

don't get me wrong, i think God knows what's going on with all of it. and that there is some sort of plan going on. but as the article i previously linked states, the only case of a specific man and woman being set aside for each other are adam and eve. and frankly i think that was supposed to be rather metaphorical for us. eve was created as a companion for adam, or a little more generally, woman was created so that man would have a compainion, someone to share life with. (as a quick note, i don't mean that in a man dominant sort of way, just in a "man life would be really lonely without women" sort of way). looking through the rest of the bible, the rest of the relationships are a bit looser in their designs. isaac's servant wasn't told to go find rebekah, just the woman who first watered his camels, or hosea was told to take a prostitute as a wife, not necessarily gomer. or how about jacob? he worked for seven years to get rachel as his wife and ended up with leah. then he worked another seven for rachel. or how many of the kings of israel had multiple wives?

so for jacob, was leah his "one", or rachel? or how about the kings, did they have 300 some "ones"? and i doubt hosea spent his teens thinking, "one day, when i want to start a family, i would really like to have a prostitute mother my children."

maybe i'm just being cynical, but i think that there might be some validity to this. i'd encourage you to think about it. let me know what you think.

22

22 doesn't feel much different than 21. in case you were unaware, yesterday, the 21st was my birthday. well, this morning i looked in the mirror, and wondered, "what exactly about me says 'hey this guy is definitely 22'?" perhaps the beginnings of the beard, but realistically, i've had that since i was 16, so people have always seen that. maybe the slightly more distinguished jawline that's been developing. but does anyone really pay that much attention. more so, it's probably the slightly receding hairline going on, but even that's hard to notice with the long hair. so physically speaking, i don't think i look any different than 18 or 25. no, i think what makes the difference is the 22 years of life experience. i've seen a lot, done a lot, and learned a little over the last 220% of a decade (that's 22 years for you non math geeks). i think maybe something that kind of sums it all up is an answer to a question that i've always had. i heard this answer in a movie the other day.

the question is: why do hot dogs come in packages of 10, and hot dog buns in packages of 8?

the answer: hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns in packages of 8, because sometimes life doesn't work out the way we plan, and we've just got to work with what we've got, but at least you always have a hot dog.

not even sure how this happened

for your viewing pleasure.

rock show

well, i returned to the scene this weekend by going to a show. it felt good. a lot has been going on this past week that had kinda been getting me down, so it was nice to just go rock out for a while and get my mind off of things. however, i did have a bit of a freak out moment when we got to champaign for the show. i did something i've never done in 6 years of going to shows. i left my ticket at home. i was really mad at myself for commiting such a "rookie" mistake. luckily though, we live in a world dominated by technology and internet. so the guys at the venue were able to look up the order that my ticket came in, and saw that only three had been scanned. so they believed me and let me in. i just couldn't leave and come back. oh darn. cuz i'd really been planning to leave anyways. so besides all that craziness, got to see emery for the fourth time and anberlin for the third time. as usual, they rocked. i did cement my hatred of hawthorne heights at the show though. number one, you could clearly see the screamer turning his vocal processor on and off everytime he stepped up to the mike. LAME! secondly, i still think every song of theirs sounds exactly the same. case in point, during their opener i turned to kurt and said, "i didn't think they would open with ohio." kurt looked at me and said, "dude, this is mickey fm." yeesh. that says everything right there, at least for me. so yeah, dudes from hawthorne heights, if you're reading this, you are all lame (musically speaking that is). well that's all for now.

motions

so if you've been reading this at all, you know that i'm in the process of finding a new job. lately the amount of time i've been putting into that, school, and work has been kind of stressing me out, and i've been kinda bummed out and tired, all the time. honestly, i've been feeling the effects of this through my entire life. i haven't been connecting with God in the ways i used to, i feel like i've isolated myself from a lot of my friends, i haven't been working out like i have been saying i would for a long time, and so on and so forth. basically, i'm not really happy right now. i feel like i'm just going through the motions of life, and that's it. so this was a song we sang at worship last night and it really hit me. what was really weird about the whole thing was that i hadn't been planning on going to worship, but at 8:10 i just started putting on my shoes and went to worship, i felt compelled to go. guess i was supposed to be there. so here's the song.

Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me.

All of my life I've been in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing.

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me.

~Sarah Brightman

confused? yup.

i just don't know. that's all.

waiting

waiting stinks. i'd really like to hear back from relevant or target in the next day or so about jobs. i just really want to get the ball rolling on all that. mainly because i'd like to know where i'm headed here in a few months. but i guess that just something i'll have to wait on. i figure God is in control of that, so maybe i'll just worry about other stuff.

stuff like my senior project. it's proving to a bit more daunting than i first imagined. beyond the fact that i'm basically a guinea pig for the whole thing because they've only been doing the project for a year. i asked my advisor today exactly what my end result should be, and he said, "i'm not really sure." i was thinking, great, at least i know what i need to do...not. so pretty much more toying with the problem and looking up math journals. i won't go into more details because i'll probably just bore you. well, that's about all for tonight.

corporate favors

i'm calling in a "connection" favor for the first time in the corporate world. it's kind of a fun feeling. i feel quite adult-like. here's the schpeal. my aunt works in the supply chain for target, and seems to really enjoy the job, and she says the money is good too. so i figured why not try to get a job there. well, it turns out that by knowing my aunt i can skip some of the red tape. i tried posting my resume to the corporate website, but i wasn't expecting much from that. well, it turns out that diane (that's my aunt) has a friend who is a recruiter for the company, so i'm sending my resume to diane, and she's going to give it to her friend. direct connection. sweet!!!

the beginning of the end

and so it has begun, the thing that has become so well known to me over the last 17 years is almost over. today was the second day of classes and thus i have now had one session of all my classes. it's almost over. it's such an exciting feeling. soon, i will be unleashed upon the world with 17 years of education at my disposal. fear me, for i am intelligent. mwahahahahahaha!! or at least i like to think so. seriously though, i'm still adjusting to the fact that i will more than likely never attend a first day of class ever again. that's so weird and foreign. i mean, i've had jobs, i worked full time over the winter break, but i knew that eventually i'd be back to part time again because school would start up again. that won't happen this next summer. i'll work until august, and then keep on working. i guess that's how it works in the "real" world. it's also strange because i have a job offer, don't really want to accept it, but i have it. when i first took this job, i thought, hey, now i don't have to worry about finding a job during my senior year, i can relax, and just focus on classes. i was young and naive then, and thought i'd love my first job. haha. oh well. the job fair is in a few weeks, and i've got a couple prospects there. there's a few others that are floating around outside the fair too. hopefully i'll be able to track down some others in the next few weeks too. i'll still need some time to interview, accept, find housing, and move. gosh, there's so much to do. and i still have to finish school too. (pulling out hair currently). guess this is how things are. anyways, it's all about to change...

fishy adventure

i was feeling a bit "dangerous" and adventurous tonight. so i decided it was time to fine out why everyone i know talks about how great sushi is all the time. so i found a good friend, who liked sushi, and had him take me to a sushi place here in peoria. i'll admit, i was a bit nervous at first, i mean there is a pretty huge stigma that goes along with (raw fish, in case you didn't know). first off, not all sushi is raw fish. i'd say about 50% of it was cooked. so you chose which kinds you'd like, and a couple minutes later they bring it out to you. then you take it with the chopsticks, dip it in a little bit of soy sauce, and chow down. i must admit, it was quite good. i had two types, spicy crab and spicy scallop. so in reality, i didn't even have fish, let alone raw fish. the crab was a bit disappointing in that it wasn't really spicy, but the scallop was. i was also really amazed at how filling it was. they're only about an inch or two in diameter and an inch high, but i could only eat about 10. maybe it's all the rice that's packed in there. basically though, it was good. and i intend to go get it again sometime.

snow

so, in following up on my question and post from yesterday, it snowed today, so apparently that little robin just came home too early. well, maybe not, since it's supposed to be sunny and in the 40's all weekend. hold on little birdy, it'll warm up again, i promise.

spring time????

saw the craziest thing this morning as i was leaving for work. there was a robin sitting on the bush outside my door. now call me crazy, but i thought they don't usually come back north til march or so, you know, when spring starts??? of course, the logical question to ask is this, "when exactly was it winter?"

totalitarian

You are a Social Conservative (35% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (38% permissive) You are best described as a: Totalitarian Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

apparently me and sadam should be good buddies. who would have known??

lonely helmets and missing bikes

i was talking to my little brother tonight about triathlons. he's planning to do one with me this summer. granted that's banking on the fact that i'm going to do one this summer. which i intend to, unless of course i can't finish all the training. i remembered tonight while kyle was talking about his biking skills, that i don't have a bike. some jerk stole it from behind my house back in october. maybe it was september, i don't remember exactly. needless to say, i don't have a bike, which makes training for a triathlon a bit difficult, since the bike is required for 1/3 of the race. hopefully, i'll be able to find a good deal on one so i don't have to break the bank to get it. but it made me think, my helmet has probably been lonely just sitting out on my wire storage unit. all alone, unused, wondering if it'll ever get to feel the wind running over it's blue shiny surface again. i feel for it. i wonder when the next time i'll be able to feel the wind on my face, running through the holes and through my hair. really, it all stems from the fact that it was beautiful outside today, and i would have liked to have gone for a ride. oh well, soon helmet, soon. i promise.

cleaner room

cleaned the room some the other day. did laundry, picked up the rest. i can actually walk some in here. it'll hopefully be even cleaner after the weekend. biggest victory from cleaning: found the charger for my digital camera. i can finally charge the battery and start taking pictures again. and i don't have to spend $40 for a new one. sweet.


goal for the coming weekend: clean apartment.

probability of goal happening: 50%

swimming

if you're keeping up with the training log blog (haha, that sounds funny) then you already know that i started swimming with a team again tonight. if not, i just told you. so now you know. it feels incredible. i'm sore and tired, but man, i'd forgotten how good i feel after a good swim. i knew i missed it, but i didn't think i missed it this much. there is no way that i'm not going back on wednesday. so, on that note, time for bed.

epiphany

"i wonder at what paul said back in portland, how God is good, how it doesn't do any good to run from Him because what He has is good and who He is, is good. even if i want to run, it isn't really what i want--what i want is Him, even if i don't believe it. if He made all this existence, you would think He would know what He is doing, and you would think He could be trusted. everything i want is just Him, to get lost in Him, to feel His love and more and more of this dazzling that He does. i wonder at His beautiful system and how it feels better than anything i could choose or invent for myself. i wonder as i gaze up at the night sky, this love letter from God to creation, this reminder that somewhere there is peace, somwhere there is order, and i think about how great His kingdom is, and is going to be, and i wonder, in this rare and beautiful moment, how i could ever want to walk away from it all." - donald miller, "through painted deserts"

sometimes God really just smacks you in the face. i just read this about 10 minutes ago. and this is my reaction.

i'm not who i'm pretending to be. you know that. i haven't been the man you wanted me to be. i've ignored and pushed and pouted and done whatever i want. somewhere in the journey, i lost sight of the goals that had been set for me. i took a left instead of a right. not because i didn't know where i was going, but because i decided that the left was better. well here i am. at the end of that road. obviously not where i'm supposed to be. and i'm just looking around, trying to figure out how exactly it is that i got here. all these years i've been questioning and blaming everything and everyone, except the one who really screwed it all up. me. this isn't what was intended; joyless, bitter, depressing. i'm turning around now. heading back to the right. i don't think it's going to be easy, but i know that it's possible, because it's what you want. and that's always possible.

beard recognition

you know your beard has reached the level of amazing when your co-workers tape a picture of grizzly adams to your door.

consumerism at it's finest

i drove home again today. which inevitably meant that i had lots of time (6 hours to be exact) by myself to think about this, that, and the other thing. i won't bore you with all the details. but the thing that did stick out the most on my mind was why i was headed home. in case you hadn't noticed yet, it's almost christmas time. and i started wondering, "why am i not as excited about christmas as i was 10 years ago?" i mean, i used to start plotting out what i wanted and started counting down about a month or so in advance. now my mom has to pry gift ideas out of me. i think it's because i've gotten sick of the ridiculous level of consumerism associated with christmas. everyone spends all their time talking about what they're getting everyone else, rather than talk about what christmas is really all about. the birth of jesus christ. now i say that from my soap box, all the while knowing that i have been guilty of the consumerism in the past, and that for the past few years, have dropped the consumerism, but remained apathetic in the sense that i don't make a big deal out of what christmas really is. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm guilty of being joyless. this time of the year should be at worst the second most joyful time of the year for me as a christian (easter probably would take number one). at this time of year, we remember that the God of the universe decided to humble himself by taking on the form of a man, and then choosing to be the weakest of all men, a baby. it just boggles my mind that he would do that for me. so, i guess for the next few days i'm going to focus on that, and really make that the point of my return home.