waiting

waiting stinks. i'd really like to hear back from relevant or target in the next day or so about jobs. i just really want to get the ball rolling on all that. mainly because i'd like to know where i'm headed here in a few months. but i guess that just something i'll have to wait on. i figure God is in control of that, so maybe i'll just worry about other stuff.

stuff like my senior project. it's proving to a bit more daunting than i first imagined. beyond the fact that i'm basically a guinea pig for the whole thing because they've only been doing the project for a year. i asked my advisor today exactly what my end result should be, and he said, "i'm not really sure." i was thinking, great, at least i know what i need to do...not. so pretty much more toying with the problem and looking up math journals. i won't go into more details because i'll probably just bore you. well, that's about all for tonight.

corporate favors

i'm calling in a "connection" favor for the first time in the corporate world. it's kind of a fun feeling. i feel quite adult-like. here's the schpeal. my aunt works in the supply chain for target, and seems to really enjoy the job, and she says the money is good too. so i figured why not try to get a job there. well, it turns out that by knowing my aunt i can skip some of the red tape. i tried posting my resume to the corporate website, but i wasn't expecting much from that. well, it turns out that diane (that's my aunt) has a friend who is a recruiter for the company, so i'm sending my resume to diane, and she's going to give it to her friend. direct connection. sweet!!!

the beginning of the end

and so it has begun, the thing that has become so well known to me over the last 17 years is almost over. today was the second day of classes and thus i have now had one session of all my classes. it's almost over. it's such an exciting feeling. soon, i will be unleashed upon the world with 17 years of education at my disposal. fear me, for i am intelligent. mwahahahahahaha!! or at least i like to think so. seriously though, i'm still adjusting to the fact that i will more than likely never attend a first day of class ever again. that's so weird and foreign. i mean, i've had jobs, i worked full time over the winter break, but i knew that eventually i'd be back to part time again because school would start up again. that won't happen this next summer. i'll work until august, and then keep on working. i guess that's how it works in the "real" world. it's also strange because i have a job offer, don't really want to accept it, but i have it. when i first took this job, i thought, hey, now i don't have to worry about finding a job during my senior year, i can relax, and just focus on classes. i was young and naive then, and thought i'd love my first job. haha. oh well. the job fair is in a few weeks, and i've got a couple prospects there. there's a few others that are floating around outside the fair too. hopefully i'll be able to track down some others in the next few weeks too. i'll still need some time to interview, accept, find housing, and move. gosh, there's so much to do. and i still have to finish school too. (pulling out hair currently). guess this is how things are. anyways, it's all about to change...

fishy adventure

i was feeling a bit "dangerous" and adventurous tonight. so i decided it was time to fine out why everyone i know talks about how great sushi is all the time. so i found a good friend, who liked sushi, and had him take me to a sushi place here in peoria. i'll admit, i was a bit nervous at first, i mean there is a pretty huge stigma that goes along with (raw fish, in case you didn't know). first off, not all sushi is raw fish. i'd say about 50% of it was cooked. so you chose which kinds you'd like, and a couple minutes later they bring it out to you. then you take it with the chopsticks, dip it in a little bit of soy sauce, and chow down. i must admit, it was quite good. i had two types, spicy crab and spicy scallop. so in reality, i didn't even have fish, let alone raw fish. the crab was a bit disappointing in that it wasn't really spicy, but the scallop was. i was also really amazed at how filling it was. they're only about an inch or two in diameter and an inch high, but i could only eat about 10. maybe it's all the rice that's packed in there. basically though, it was good. and i intend to go get it again sometime.

snow

so, in following up on my question and post from yesterday, it snowed today, so apparently that little robin just came home too early. well, maybe not, since it's supposed to be sunny and in the 40's all weekend. hold on little birdy, it'll warm up again, i promise.

spring time????

saw the craziest thing this morning as i was leaving for work. there was a robin sitting on the bush outside my door. now call me crazy, but i thought they don't usually come back north til march or so, you know, when spring starts??? of course, the logical question to ask is this, "when exactly was it winter?"

totalitarian

You are a Social Conservative (35% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (38% permissive) You are best described as a: Totalitarian Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

apparently me and sadam should be good buddies. who would have known??

lonely helmets and missing bikes

i was talking to my little brother tonight about triathlons. he's planning to do one with me this summer. granted that's banking on the fact that i'm going to do one this summer. which i intend to, unless of course i can't finish all the training. i remembered tonight while kyle was talking about his biking skills, that i don't have a bike. some jerk stole it from behind my house back in october. maybe it was september, i don't remember exactly. needless to say, i don't have a bike, which makes training for a triathlon a bit difficult, since the bike is required for 1/3 of the race. hopefully, i'll be able to find a good deal on one so i don't have to break the bank to get it. but it made me think, my helmet has probably been lonely just sitting out on my wire storage unit. all alone, unused, wondering if it'll ever get to feel the wind running over it's blue shiny surface again. i feel for it. i wonder when the next time i'll be able to feel the wind on my face, running through the holes and through my hair. really, it all stems from the fact that it was beautiful outside today, and i would have liked to have gone for a ride. oh well, soon helmet, soon. i promise.

cleaner room

cleaned the room some the other day. did laundry, picked up the rest. i can actually walk some in here. it'll hopefully be even cleaner after the weekend. biggest victory from cleaning: found the charger for my digital camera. i can finally charge the battery and start taking pictures again. and i don't have to spend $40 for a new one. sweet.


goal for the coming weekend: clean apartment.

probability of goal happening: 50%

swimming

if you're keeping up with the training log blog (haha, that sounds funny) then you already know that i started swimming with a team again tonight. if not, i just told you. so now you know. it feels incredible. i'm sore and tired, but man, i'd forgotten how good i feel after a good swim. i knew i missed it, but i didn't think i missed it this much. there is no way that i'm not going back on wednesday. so, on that note, time for bed.

epiphany

"i wonder at what paul said back in portland, how God is good, how it doesn't do any good to run from Him because what He has is good and who He is, is good. even if i want to run, it isn't really what i want--what i want is Him, even if i don't believe it. if He made all this existence, you would think He would know what He is doing, and you would think He could be trusted. everything i want is just Him, to get lost in Him, to feel His love and more and more of this dazzling that He does. i wonder at His beautiful system and how it feels better than anything i could choose or invent for myself. i wonder as i gaze up at the night sky, this love letter from God to creation, this reminder that somewhere there is peace, somwhere there is order, and i think about how great His kingdom is, and is going to be, and i wonder, in this rare and beautiful moment, how i could ever want to walk away from it all." - donald miller, "through painted deserts"

sometimes God really just smacks you in the face. i just read this about 10 minutes ago. and this is my reaction.

i'm not who i'm pretending to be. you know that. i haven't been the man you wanted me to be. i've ignored and pushed and pouted and done whatever i want. somewhere in the journey, i lost sight of the goals that had been set for me. i took a left instead of a right. not because i didn't know where i was going, but because i decided that the left was better. well here i am. at the end of that road. obviously not where i'm supposed to be. and i'm just looking around, trying to figure out how exactly it is that i got here. all these years i've been questioning and blaming everything and everyone, except the one who really screwed it all up. me. this isn't what was intended; joyless, bitter, depressing. i'm turning around now. heading back to the right. i don't think it's going to be easy, but i know that it's possible, because it's what you want. and that's always possible.