Textual Snapshots of my Life.

done

2006-05-11T01:49:00.000-05:00

well, that's it folks. i completed my last final for my college career earlier today. it was a really surreal moment. after i finished it, i just walked outside, looked around a bit, took a really deep breath, and then walked home. frankly, it was a bit anti-climatic. but in the end, i kinda liked how it all went down. i paused for a moment to reflect on where i had been the last four years, and then took a deep breath in preparation, and then moved on. that's really all it was. it was a moment where i stopped and realized what that moment meant. maybe i should do that more often. i'm sure there are other points in time where i need to stop and really think about the moment and what it means to my life. anyways, i'm rambling, and being all philosophical.

my parents will be here in about 15 hours to once again begin the packing and prepare for the move on monday. it'll be a little different this time though. i'm not just moving across campus. i'm leaving. madison, here i come. so if you're ever in the neighborhood, look me up. i'm sure we can find something fun to do.

random days

2006-05-06T23:35:00.000-05:00

i've had a really interesting last few days. yesterday, around 4 pm, i told my friend jim judd that we should go get mexican food for dinner because it was cinco de mayo. well around 7:30 pm, he decided that would be a good idea. then, as i was walking out the door, my friend ryan flanigan called, saying he wanted to hang out with me before i move. so i said i'd give him a call when i got back from dinner. i called him at 10 and he came to pick me up. then we just got in his car and we drove for a while because we didn't know what we wanted to do. so we kept driving. finally, we got some excitement when this white suv started following us. like really following. we turned into a left turn lane, then pulled out and went straight, and they did the same thing. we eventually lost them kind of out in the country. then we went to starbucks, so ryan could get some caramel mocha woman-y drink. and after he finished ordering, and pulls up to the window, turns and asks if i wanted anything. i said i would have like a hot chocolate. so we ended up driving to the other starbucks to get that. then as we were driving down university, i said, "let's go bowling." so we did. then we separated and i went to bed. talk about a random night.

then today, i got up about 9 to get ready to go to starved rock national park (or maybe state...i'm not really sure). well, it was amazing. we hiked some where in the range of 6 miles, ran through a waterfall, and climbed rock walls we really shouldn't have climbed. then we came back to my place and grilled. what a great day. in fact what a great two days.

one more about the apartment

2006-05-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

i just found out that my application for my new apartment was approved. sweet. that's all.

more about the apartment (i'm excited, can you tell?)

2006-05-01T15:05:00.000-05:00

i got some pictures from my little brother last night that my dad and i took of the apartment i'll be moving into. so now you can see what it looks like. if you don't really care, too bad. i'm excited. :-)

floorplan

2006-04-30T01:52:00.000-05:00

i did a little more searching, and found a floorplan for you guys. so here you go.

new apartment

2006-04-30T01:40:00.000-05:00

well, the reality of school ending and the rest of life begininng is starting to really set in. i put a $100 deposit down on an apartment in order to hold it for me. that's the floor plan for it in the picture. the apartment is 800 sq. feet. it's huge, and really open. also, there's a schoolyard behind it, so it's like i have a backyard for my apartment. that never happens. it's awesome. the location is prime too. there's all sorts of stuff that'd i'd want to be around me, and it's about a 5 to 10 minute drive to the epic campus where i'll be working, no highways either. i'm super excited. anyways, that's all for now. nevermind, i couldn't find a floor plan, so i posted what the front of the buildings looks like.

mystery commenter

2006-04-24T17:58:00.000-05:00

for those of you who don't know, i have a mystery commenter. someone that i know has been commenting on my blog and has issued a challenge to me to figure out who they are. now, i haven't heard many rules from this commenter, so i don't know how many "tries" i get at this, so i've been waiting until i had enough information to make a pretty solid guess. anyways... 1234, i do believe that you also go by the name of Jason Coon.

JOB!!!!!!!!

2006-04-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

good news folks. for all of you that may be pretty "in the know" of my life, i have not been enjoying my current job much. i won't go into details, suffice it to say, i didn't really want to work there after graduation. well, last monday, i went to madison to interview with a company called Epic Systems for two positions (project manager and technical services). they are a healthcare software company, really forward thinking, and lots of fun. it was probably the most fun i've ever had while interviewing for a job.

well, they called me last night at 5:30 and offered me a job as a project manager (the one i really wanted). i won't go into all the details, cuz i'm sure you don't really care, but they are awesome. believe me. i was so excited. as i told my dad about 10 minutes later on the phone, i really owe a big thank you to God on this one. He really provided for me. and it's pretty awesome to see prayers answered. so, if you want to come visit me in madison, let me know. i'll be moving up there right after graduation. of course i won't be around for a while because jake and i will be on our road trip, but i'll start working june 5th. so after that, i'll be a permanent fixture of the madison area. oh, and i'll probably post more about what the job is later.

(and yes, i know the picture has nothing to do with the post, but it's funny)

senior thesis

2006-04-13T13:38:00.000-05:00

for the few of you that read my blog regularly you may have noticed that it's been a while since i've posted. you can thank my senior thesis for that. last weekend i went to a conferenct to report on what i had found, and my first go at the paper is due tomorrow. so the last three weeks have been focused on getting all of that done. and of course not faling behind in all my other classes. so, in essence i haven't had time to post.

well, the presentation went really well. i got a lot of good feedback from professors from other schools. in addition, i found a bunch more examples yesterday of amphicheiral knots that are ribbon amphicheiral (if you really want to know what i'm talking about, i'll send you a copy of my paper). and speaking of the paper, it's all done, save the title page, table of contents, conclusion, and reference (piddly easy stuff).

so anyways, now that the paper is done, my life may return somewhat to normal. although i do still have two photo portfolios and a presentation on the project to give. yeesh, i feel like i'll never be done with all this junk. oh well...

i leave for wisconsin tomorrow. i'll be heading home for the easter weekend and then to madison on sunday afternoon. i have my second round interview with epic systems on monday. that'll be the last job interview of this job hunting "season". hopefully it works out, cuz it's a really cool company. but more on that later, i'm heading to bed.

p.s. the picture is a little taste of what's been going on in my senior project. if you can tell me what's going on there, i'll be very impressed, and may buy you lunch.

update

2006-03-31T19:11:00.000-06:00

well, i heard back from target today. apparently i wasn't "what they were looking for, for the available positions". not really sure what that means, but it's ok. i know that God has a plan in all of this. i started thinking about whether i would have been comfortable at target...with the suit and the tie...not really me. also, it was easy to take because i recieved a call from epic systems (another company i've been interviewing with), and they would like me to come up to madison for another interview. this company's corporate culture will more likely allign with my personal comfort level. they follow the whole wear what you're comfortable in. so if that's jeans and a t-shirt, go for it. so we'll see, i'm waiting to get an email about when to come up. anyways, i'm going to a movie now. peace.

funny

2006-03-31T08:44:00.000-06:00

“In St. Paul, Minnesota, City Hall removed a display of an Easter bunny, pastel eggs and a sign with the words ‘Happy Easter’ because they might offend non-Christians. Good thing. You certainly don’t want anything Christian tainting a city called St. Paul.”
- Jay Leno

business trips and rainstorms

2006-03-31T00:54:00.000-06:00

well, it's been quite sometime since i last posted anything, and i thought tonight might be a good time to break that streak. as many of you know, i went to minneapolis, minnesota last thursday and friday for a job interview at the corporate headquarters for target. honestly, i felt the interview went really well. i'm super excited because this seems like a really great job opportunity on top of the fact that i would keep doing my own fine art photography on top of the job. so i'm pretty happy about that.

the big news is that they told me i would be contacted by tomorrow, and since i haven't heard anything yet, i'm assuming that means i will hear from them tomorrow. it's really strange, in the past, i would have been freaking out about this, and worried and nervous, but i feel like God has really put me at ease about it all. case in point, the rainstorm going on right now. i just went outside a little while ago and sat on the porch for a while and watched the rain and listened and thought. rain always has a really calming effect on me, even during massive thunderstorms (kinda like this one was a while ago). i'm not really sure why the calm me, but they do. so i just went outside and revelled in the fact that this thunderstorm was like a calming gift from God. so as i sat there, i just thought, and listened, and i can't say that anything profound came, other than it felt like a short, intimate time between me and God. i haven't had a lot of those lately with all of the craziness associated with my graduation coming up, so it was nice to just kick back and relax for a little bit.

i'm sure that in a few hours there will be another post, relating to the world what happened with target. until then however, i'm going to sleep.

countdown to the end

2006-03-19T22:47:00.000-06:00

today at church i was talking to my friend luke, and he said, "man, i can't believe i'm getting married in 5 weeks." so i asked him if that was before or after school ended for the year, i honestly didn't know. he said it was about a week and a half or two before school ends. so i realized, i'm now under 2 months to the end of my school career. 2 months... where have the years gone??? but it's cool, i'm ready to be done. and i'm almost there.

in another conversation from church today, with none other than josh graber, i realized, that i'm pretty excited about the possibility of living in minneapolis next year if i can land the job with target. we were discussing the idea of living in big cities. basically, we decided that minneapolis/st. paul has all the advantages of being a big city (e.g. cool downtown apartments, arts, sports, etc.), but they don't have the closed off attitude that a lot of people in other big cities have. basically, as i put it, it's a "big city that still feels like your hometown".

twin cities...here i come (hopefully).

sweet 16

2006-03-19T19:31:00.000-06:00

Bradley and Wichita St. are going to the sweet 16!!!!!! suck on that cbs analysts. hope you know see that talent that exists in the mvc.

MVC

2006-03-18T09:19:00.000-06:00

Here's a little breakdown by conference from the first round of the tournament.
America East 0-1
ACC 4-4
Atlantic Sun 0-1
Atlantic 10 1-2
Big East 5-8
Big Sky 1-0
South 0-1
Big 10 3-6
Big 12 2-4
Big West 0-1
Colonial Athletic 1-1
Conference USA 1-2
Horizon League 1-2
Ivy League 0-1
MAAC 0-1
Mid American 0-1
Mid Continent 0-1
MVC 2-4
Mountain West 0-2
Northeast 0-1
Ohio Valley 0-1
Pac 10 3-4
Patriot 1-1
Southeastern 4-5
Southern 0-1
Southland 1-1
SWAC 0-1
Sun Belt 0-1
West Coast 1-1
Western Athletic 0-2

i think i'm missing a team in there somewhere, but that's not the point. seeing that i attend an MVC school (Bradley, which upset #4 Kansas last night), i was a bit peturbed on selection sunday when the analysts from cbs were ragging on the selection committee chair for giving 3 at-large-bids to teams from the MVC, which put them to a total of 4 tournament teams. well, the big problem with that was that meant they had the same number of teams as the ACC which could not happen, because the ACC is the college basketball golden child, and no one is better than the ACC (please note, that's a sarcastic comment). Well, anyways, 2 of the MVC teams advanced, and quite strongly beat the teams they played, and the two that lost gave their competitors quite a game. so to all you MVC hating analysts out there, get off your high horse, and realize that college basketball does exist outside the ACC, and the mid-majors are ready to make a name for themselves.

God's will: part two

2006-03-14T20:34:00.000-06:00

as i'm sure you may have assumed from my last post, there would be a follow up. and here it is. i thought maybe i'd give a little of my own interpretation and thoughts about the article i previously posted.

lately, i've been thinking about God's will, and the "plan" for my life everyone keeps telling me about. i've been wondering if it were really possible for there to be exactly one job, one city, one woman, one everything in my future. is it really possible that God has planned my life out in advance for me? i'm not so sure i believe that. if that's it, then life feels like one big guessing game, kind of like memory, that God is just seeing if we can figure out. and frankly, that type of thinking stresses me out. so i started looking more into God's will, and what the Bible says about it.

i think maybe the key point to following God is more like seeking him, and spending time with him. prayer, meditation, learning, i think those are the things God really wants us to be doing. i heard a good analogy once. God's will is like a pasture, and the fences are his moral boundaries for us. and as long as we stay within them, his blessings will continue in our lives. so basically, no matter what job i take upon graduation, so long as i continue to seek God, i'm living within his will. that, is a very relaxing revelation. i don't feel as much pressure to make sure i'm making the right choice. so for now, i'll just continue with the prayer and the reading and things, and just make the decision that seems best for me.

God's will: part one

2006-03-08T21:12:00.000-06:00

I call them Blue Like Jazz Boys. I’m sure you know a few of them. Maybe you’re dating one. Maybe you are one.

A Blue Like Jazz Boy is someone who manages to seamlessly weave an enthusiastic recommendation of the book Blue Like Jazz into every conversation he has. I had a hunch that two such boys were sitting next to me at a table in Starbucks. Several clues gave them away, including their lengthy analysis of the latest David Crowder Band CD and their excessive use of the word “postmodernism.” Oblivious to my eavesdropping, the boys continued conversing while sipping their $5 lattes.

“Did you decide about California yet?” “Nah, not yet …” “It’s a tough decision …” “Yah … I know … it’d be a great opportunity, but I’m just not sure … I’ve been praying a lot … reading my Bible … just really trying to figure out which choice is God’s will, you know?”

I tuned out the boys so I could begin reading my book. I had just come from Barnes & Noble, and my book was brand new; their conversation, on the other hand, was not. I have heard many twentysomethings discuss their future in much the same way, talking as though God had pre-picked a specific route for their life—which college to attend, which major to choose, which place to live after college, which job to take, which person to marry and so on.

These twentysomethings routinely say things like “I’m just trying to find God’s will for my life” or “I’m wondering what God’s will is.” Their very language implies that deep down they believe God is playing a big game with them. He’s created a great riddle for them to try and solve … a divine round of hide-and-go-seek in which they are forced to participate. But I don’t think God delights in making things difficult for His creation. Although we might all wish that God would spell out His thoughts regarding what job to take or whom to marry, that’s generally not how it works.

People who become obsessed with finding and doing God’s will right before they have to make big life choices often miss the point entirely. That’s because the only time we really need to know and do God’s will is right now—in this present moment. Whether we follow His will in the small choices we make during the next hour of our lives has the greatest significance.

St. Francis of Assisi offers a good example of this. While he was raking leaves one day, a neighbor asked, “If you knew for certain that Christ Himself were coming back in a half-hour, what would you do?”

St. Francis replied, “I’d finish raking the yard.”

Many of us have come to view our daily routine as boring—just empty space to be filled with an array of distractions. But the key to knowing and doing the will of God is seeing that empty space for what it is: exceedingly important. We need to become vigilant about that space and remain unwilling to take small detours from God’s will—speaking disrespectfully to loved ones, watching trash on TV, wasting valuable time at work. It’s the wrong choices we make in everyday life that put us instantly out of God’s will for our lives.

In The Will of God as a Way of Life, author Jerry Sittser says, “The Bible tells us what we must do today, which often involves mundane tasks we tend to overlook. It tells us precious little about what is going to happen tomorrow, except to say that God is in control. We spend much of our time wishing the reverse were true. ‘Forget today,’ we say to ourselves, ‘I already know about that. It’s boring. I want to know about tomorrow because that’s unknown and exciting.’ But Jesus wants us to devote our time and energy to all the little tasks we must do every day, not just to the big decisions we have to make every so often …”

The good news is that we can decide right this moment to get back into the center of God’s will—by simply making the right choice in the next decision we’re faced with.

I wanted to tell the single-white-male-seeking-God’s-will-in-Starbucks that he had already found it. He was praying and reading God’s word; he was obviously concerned about giving God a central place in his life. Therefore, he was right where he needed to be—-trying to please his Creator through his ordinary, every day life. If he continued doing that, he’d probably remain in God’s will whether he moved to California or stayed in Chicago.

I glanced up from my book as the two boys stood up to leave. “See you Wednesday?”
“Yah, I’ll definitely be there…we changed it back to 7, right?
“Yep … Oh, and don’t forget to bring Blue Like Jazz for Dave to borrow …”

I looked back down to hide my smile.

Jennifer Ruisch is the author of Faith and the City (RELEVANT Books). She lives in Des Moines, Iowa with her husband.

an adventure well worth taking

2006-02-28T15:59:00.000-06:00

last night i was sitting in the lower apartment, talking to jake about some apartments i had been looking at when we decided to figure out where one actually was. while looking at the map, i said to jake, "hey, what's that??", referring to the strange set of streets set up like a circle. he said, "i don't know, let's see if we can figure it out." so we changed to the satellite map (really cool function of google maps by the way) and zoomed in a bit to see what it was. well, we could tell there were a bunch of houses around the circles, but what peaked our interest was the large building located in the center of the circles. we had no idea what it was. and thus the adventure was born. we jumped in the truck and headed for this strange anomaly of road design. upon arriving, we got a bit lost, drove around the circle for a while, and finally reached the center. it was a storm shelter. apparently this strange set of roads was a trailer park, and the building in the center was a storm shelter/rec center for people living in the park. well, we promptly took our pictures there, jumped back in the truck and drove off as fast as we could, for fear of being threatened with a shotgun.

i love college and the miscellaneous late night hyjinx that occur. i hope that doesn't stop once i'm graduated and into the working world.

debunking the myth of soulmates

2006-02-25T16:00:00.000-06:00

i happened across a very interesting article the other day on relevant magazine's website. if you'd like to read it, here is a link to it. LINK and now for my thoughts on it.

i think this article made a really good point. i think the idea of soulmate's or "the one" becomes a scapegoat in our society. how many people say something to the effect of "they just weren't the one" or "we fell out of love" when things get hard and they get divorced. wasn't that what the wedding was supposed to be about, declaring to the world that that person was your "one" for the rest of your life? apparently not though. or what about someone who remarries after their spouse passes away? did that person draw the good straw in life, and have two "ones"? i find that a bit of a stretch. and the other thing to think about is that people are imperfect and make bad decisions sometimes. so what if my "one" happens to marry someone else? am i supposed to wait around for them to figure out they aren't meant to be together or do i just find someone else, how may not be my specific one, and then cause trouble for someone else? i think there are just too many factors in the whole scheme of relationships and marriage to try and pin it down that definitively.

don't get me wrong, i think God knows what's going on with all of it. and that there is some sort of plan going on. but as the article i previously linked states, the only case of a specific man and woman being set aside for each other are adam and eve. and frankly i think that was supposed to be rather metaphorical for us. eve was created as a companion for adam, or a little more generally, woman was created so that man would have a compainion, someone to share life with. (as a quick note, i don't mean that in a man dominant sort of way, just in a "man life would be really lonely without women" sort of way). looking through the rest of the bible, the rest of the relationships are a bit looser in their designs. isaac's servant wasn't told to go find rebekah, just the woman who first watered his camels, or hosea was told to take a prostitute as a wife, not necessarily gomer. or how about jacob? he worked for seven years to get rachel as his wife and ended up with leah. then he worked another seven for rachel. or how many of the kings of israel had multiple wives?

so for jacob, was leah his "one", or rachel? or how about the kings, did they have 300 some "ones"? and i doubt hosea spent his teens thinking, "one day, when i want to start a family, i would really like to have a prostitute mother my children."

maybe i'm just being cynical, but i think that there might be some validity to this. i'd encourage you to think about it. let me know what you think.

22

2006-02-22T01:33:00.000-06:00

22 doesn't feel much different than 21. in case you were unaware, yesterday, the 21st was my birthday. well, this morning i looked in the mirror, and wondered, "what exactly about me says 'hey this guy is definitely 22'?" perhaps the beginnings of the beard, but realistically, i've had that since i was 16, so people have always seen that. maybe the slightly more distinguished jawline that's been developing. but does anyone really pay that much attention. more so, it's probably the slightly receding hairline going on, but even that's hard to notice with the long hair. so physically speaking, i don't think i look any different than 18 or 25. no, i think what makes the difference is the 22 years of life experience. i've seen a lot, done a lot, and learned a little over the last 220% of a decade (that's 22 years for you non math geeks). i think maybe something that kind of sums it all up is an answer to a question that i've always had. i heard this answer in a movie the other day.

the question is: why do hot dogs come in packages of 10, and hot dog buns in packages of 8?

the answer: hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns in packages of 8, because sometimes life doesn't work out the way we plan, and we've just got to work with what we've got, but at least you always have a hot dog.

not even sure how this happened

2006-02-13T16:54:00.000-06:00

for your viewing pleasure.

rock show

2006-02-13T16:29:00.000-06:00

well, i returned to the scene this weekend by going to a show. it felt good. a lot has been going on this past week that had kinda been getting me down, so it was nice to just go rock out for a while and get my mind off of things. however, i did have a bit of a freak out moment when we got to champaign for the show. i did something i've never done in 6 years of going to shows. i left my ticket at home. i was really mad at myself for commiting such a "rookie" mistake. luckily though, we live in a world dominated by technology and internet. so the guys at the venue were able to look up the order that my ticket came in, and saw that only three had been scanned. so they believed me and let me in. i just couldn't leave and come back. oh darn. cuz i'd really been planning to leave anyways. so besides all that craziness, got to see emery for the fourth time and anberlin for the third time. as usual, they rocked. i did cement my hatred of hawthorne heights at the show though. number one, you could clearly see the screamer turning his vocal processor on and off everytime he stepped up to the mike. LAME! secondly, i still think every song of theirs sounds exactly the same. case in point, during their opener i turned to kurt and said, "i didn't think they would open with ohio." kurt looked at me and said, "dude, this is mickey fm." yeesh. that says everything right there, at least for me. so yeah, dudes from hawthorne heights, if you're reading this, you are all lame (musically speaking that is). well that's all for now.

motions

2006-02-07T14:38:00.000-06:00

so if you've been reading this at all, you know that i'm in the process of finding a new job. lately the amount of time i've been putting into that, school, and work has been kind of stressing me out, and i've been kinda bummed out and tired, all the time. honestly, i've been feeling the effects of this through my entire life. i haven't been connecting with God in the ways i used to, i feel like i've isolated myself from a lot of my friends, i haven't been working out like i have been saying i would for a long time, and so on and so forth. basically, i'm not really happy right now. i feel like i'm just going through the motions of life, and that's it. so this was a song we sang at worship last night and it really hit me. what was really weird about the whole thing was that i hadn't been planning on going to worship, but at 8:10 i just started putting on my shoes and went to worship, i felt compelled to go. guess i was supposed to be there. so here's the song.

Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me.

All of my life I've been in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing.

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me.

~Sarah Brightman

confused? yup.

2006-02-04T00:29:00.000-06:00

i just don't know. that's all.

waiting

2006-01-31T00:42:00.000-06:00

waiting stinks. i'd really like to hear back from relevant or target in the next day or so about jobs. i just really want to get the ball rolling on all that. mainly because i'd like to know where i'm headed here in a few months. but i guess that just something i'll have to wait on. i figure God is in control of that, so maybe i'll just worry about other stuff.

stuff like my senior project. it's proving to a bit more daunting than i first imagined. beyond the fact that i'm basically a guinea pig for the whole thing because they've only been doing the project for a year. i asked my advisor today exactly what my end result should be, and he said, "i'm not really sure." i was thinking, great, at least i know what i need to do...not. so pretty much more toying with the problem and looking up math journals. i won't go into more details because i'll probably just bore you. well, that's about all for tonight.

corporate favors

2006-01-27T00:02:00.000-06:00

i'm calling in a "connection" favor for the first time in the corporate world. it's kind of a fun feeling. i feel quite adult-like. here's the schpeal. my aunt works in the supply chain for target, and seems to really enjoy the job, and she says the money is good too. so i figured why not try to get a job there. well, it turns out that by knowing my aunt i can skip some of the red tape. i tried posting my resume to the corporate website, but i wasn't expecting much from that. well, it turns out that diane (that's my aunt) has a friend who is a recruiter for the company, so i'm sending my resume to diane, and she's going to give it to her friend. direct connection. sweet!!!

the beginning of the end

2006-01-19T19:55:00.000-06:00

and so it has begun, the thing that has become so well known to me over the last 17 years is almost over. today was the second day of classes and thus i have now had one session of all my classes. it's almost over. it's such an exciting feeling. soon, i will be unleashed upon the world with 17 years of education at my disposal. fear me, for i am intelligent. mwahahahahahaha!! or at least i like to think so. seriously though, i'm still adjusting to the fact that i will more than likely never attend a first day of class ever again. that's so weird and foreign. i mean, i've had jobs, i worked full time over the winter break, but i knew that eventually i'd be back to part time again because school would start up again. that won't happen this next summer. i'll work until august, and then keep on working. i guess that's how it works in the "real" world. it's also strange because i have a job offer, don't really want to accept it, but i have it. when i first took this job, i thought, hey, now i don't have to worry about finding a job during my senior year, i can relax, and just focus on classes. i was young and naive then, and thought i'd love my first job. haha. oh well. the job fair is in a few weeks, and i've got a couple prospects there. there's a few others that are floating around outside the fair too. hopefully i'll be able to track down some others in the next few weeks too. i'll still need some time to interview, accept, find housing, and move. gosh, there's so much to do. and i still have to finish school too. (pulling out hair currently). guess this is how things are. anyways, it's all about to change...

fishy adventure

2006-01-17T21:28:00.000-06:00

i was feeling a bit "dangerous" and adventurous tonight. so i decided it was time to fine out why everyone i know talks about how great sushi is all the time. so i found a good friend, who liked sushi, and had him take me to a sushi place here in peoria. i'll admit, i was a bit nervous at first, i mean there is a pretty huge stigma that goes along with (raw fish, in case you didn't know). first off, not all sushi is raw fish. i'd say about 50% of it was cooked. so you chose which kinds you'd like, and a couple minutes later they bring it out to you. then you take it with the chopsticks, dip it in a little bit of soy sauce, and chow down. i must admit, it was quite good. i had two types, spicy crab and spicy scallop. so in reality, i didn't even have fish, let alone raw fish. the crab was a bit disappointing in that it wasn't really spicy, but the scallop was. i was also really amazed at how filling it was. they're only about an inch or two in diameter and an inch high, but i could only eat about 10. maybe it's all the rice that's packed in there. basically though, it was good. and i intend to go get it again sometime.

snow

2006-01-13T10:41:00.000-06:00

so, in following up on my question and post from yesterday, it snowed today, so apparently that little robin just came home too early. well, maybe not, since it's supposed to be sunny and in the 40's all weekend. hold on little birdy, it'll warm up again, i promise.

spring time????

2006-01-12T17:24:00.000-06:00

saw the craziest thing this morning as i was leaving for work. there was a robin sitting on the bush outside my door. now call me crazy, but i thought they don't usually come back north til march or so, you know, when spring starts??? of course, the logical question to ask is this, "when exactly was it winter?"

totalitarian

2006-01-12T10:20:00.000-06:00

You are a
Social Conservative
(35% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(38% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Totalitarian

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

apparently me and sadam should be good buddies. who would have known??

lonely helmets and missing bikes

2006-01-08T23:15:00.000-06:00

i was talking to my little brother tonight about triathlons. he's planning to do one with me this summer. granted that's banking on the fact that i'm going to do one this summer. which i intend to, unless of course i can't finish all the training. i remembered tonight while kyle was talking about his biking skills, that i don't have a bike. some jerk stole it from behind my house back in october. maybe it was september, i don't remember exactly. needless to say, i don't have a bike, which makes training for a triathlon a bit difficult, since the bike is required for 1/3 of the race. hopefully, i'll be able to find a good deal on one so i don't have to break the bank to get it. but it made me think, my helmet has probably been lonely just sitting out on my wire storage unit. all alone, unused, wondering if it'll ever get to feel the wind running over it's blue shiny surface again. i feel for it. i wonder when the next time i'll be able to feel the wind on my face, running through the holes and through my hair. really, it all stems from the fact that it was beautiful outside today, and i would have liked to have gone for a ride. oh well, soon helmet, soon. i promise.

cleaner room

2006-01-05T21:56:00.000-06:00

cleaned the room some the other day. did laundry, picked up the rest. i can actually walk some in here. it'll hopefully be even cleaner after the weekend. biggest victory from cleaning: found the charger for my digital camera. i can finally charge the battery and start taking pictures again. and i don't have to spend $40 for a new one. sweet.

goal for the coming weekend: clean apartment.

probability of goal happening: 50%

swimming

2006-01-02T23:23:00.000-06:00

if you're keeping up with the training log blog (haha, that sounds funny) then you already know that i started swimming with a team again tonight. if not, i just told you. so now you know. it feels incredible. i'm sore and tired, but man, i'd forgotten how good i feel after a good swim. i knew i missed it, but i didn't think i missed it this much. there is no way that i'm not going back on wednesday. so, on that note, time for bed.

epiphany

2006-01-02T01:03:00.000-06:00

"i wonder at what paul said back in portland, how God is good, how it doesn't do any good to run from Him because what He has is good and who He is, is good. even if i want to run, it isn't really what i want--what i want is Him, even if i don't believe it. if He made all this existence, you would think He would know what He is doing, and you would think He could be trusted. everything i want is just Him, to get lost in Him, to feel His love and more and more of this dazzling that He does. i wonder at His beautiful system and how it feels better than anything i could choose or invent for myself. i wonder as i gaze up at the night sky, this love letter from God to creation, this reminder that somewhere there is peace, somwhere there is order, and i think about how great His kingdom is, and is going to be, and i wonder, in this rare and beautiful moment, how i could ever want to walk away from it all." - donald miller, "through painted deserts"

sometimes God really just smacks you in the face. i just read this about 10 minutes ago. and this is my reaction.

i'm not who i'm pretending to be. you know that. i haven't been the man you wanted me to be. i've ignored and pushed and pouted and done whatever i want. somewhere in the journey, i lost sight of the goals that had been set for me. i took a left instead of a right. not because i didn't know where i was going, but because i decided that the left was better. well here i am. at the end of that road. obviously not where i'm supposed to be. and i'm just looking around, trying to figure out how exactly it is that i got here. all these years i've been questioning and blaming everything and everyone, except the one who really screwed it all up. me. this isn't what was intended; joyless, bitter, depressing. i'm turning around now. heading back to the right. i don't think it's going to be easy, but i know that it's possible, because it's what you want. and that's always possible.

beard recognition

2005-12-29T10:18:00.000-06:00

you know your beard has reached the level of amazing when your co-workers tape a picture of grizzly adams to your door.

consumerism at it's finest

2005-12-22T23:09:00.000-06:00

i drove home again today. which inevitably meant that i had lots of time (6 hours to be exact) by myself to think about this, that, and the other thing. i won't bore you with all the details. but the thing that did stick out the most on my mind was why i was headed home. in case you hadn't noticed yet, it's almost christmas time. and i started wondering, "why am i not as excited about christmas as i was 10 years ago?" i mean, i used to start plotting out what i wanted and started counting down about a month or so in advance. now my mom has to pry gift ideas out of me. i think it's because i've gotten sick of the ridiculous level of consumerism associated with christmas. everyone spends all their time talking about what they're getting everyone else, rather than talk about what christmas is really all about. the birth of jesus christ. now i say that from my soap box, all the while knowing that i have been guilty of the consumerism in the past, and that for the past few years, have dropped the consumerism, but remained apathetic in the sense that i don't make a big deal out of what christmas really is. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm guilty of being joyless. this time of the year should be at worst the second most joyful time of the year for me as a christian (easter probably would take number one). at this time of year, we remember that the God of the universe decided to humble himself by taking on the form of a man, and then choosing to be the weakest of all men, a baby. it just boggles my mind that he would do that for me. so, i guess for the next few days i'm going to focus on that, and really make that the point of my return home.

grades

2005-12-20T20:59:00.000-06:00

grades were posted the other day on webster. didn't do bad. i actually ended up with a c in modern algebra. which is good. i was actually surprised, i was expecting a d, which would have been terrible, i haven't gotten a d ever. and i still didn't. unfortunately i must not have done very well on my photo history final because i ended up with a b.

i can't really think of anything else important or exciting to say, so i think i'll end this post here. night.

frozen tundra

2005-12-19T12:04:00.000-06:00

i decided on a bit of a whim to go home this past weekend. left work about 3 on friday afternoon in hopes to catch the end of my little brother's swim meet that night. i made it back to e.c. in a record 5.5 hours, but missed the meet by about 10 minutes. oh well. my mom was surprised that i came home, so that worked out well. it was ok that i didn't get to the meet on time because there was another one on saturday all day. i ended up timing for it, which is always fun. i always leave meets a little depressed though, mainly because i really miss swimming. i did decide though, that since i spent most of the day giving kyle advice about what he needed to do to get his times faster that i'm going to coach once i'm out of school and have some time. first though, i think i'd like to join a master's team and get some more swimming in for myself. then i'll settle down and coach. that's about all, i'm just really tired from all the driving this weekend. and i'll be back in the tundra on thursday night.

tired

2005-12-16T10:38:00.000-06:00

i'm not so sure about this whole working over the j-term idea. i'm only 3 days in, and i'm worn out. i know that someday, i'll actually have to get a job and work all day, and hopefully at that time i'll get used to getting up at 7 in the morning, and working 8 hours a day, and all the stuff that goes along with being "a contributing member of society". however, i wonder sometimes if maybe, just maybe i should take it easy. i mean this is the LAST time i will ever have an entire month off with no responsibilities. stupid rent. maybe i shouldn't have quit staff, then i could be living in the dorms for free, and wouldn't have to worry about making enough money so that i don't get kicked out of my apartment. desk+data+me+8 hours≠fun. i can't sit still this long, i think i'm going stir crazy.

break goals

2005-12-14T12:30:00.000-06:00

i've decided to set some goals for myself for the winter/christmas/jterm/whatever you want to call it break. i retain full editorial power over these (of course) so they may change with time. as it stands right now though, this is what i want to accomplish.

1. finish reading through painted deserts
2. read all the chronicles of narnia
3. lose (yes, LOSE) 5 pounds
4. clean my room
5. beat kyle in a 50 yard freestyle sprint at the alumni meet
6. wash my car
7. beat dad at racquetball (just one game)
8. continue searching for jobs
9. actually apply for some jobs
10. relax

i think that's a pretty good list to start things off. i'm sure i'll think of some more things i'd like to do, cuz that's just how i opperate. anyways, i've got stuff to do, so i'm leaving. you should too.

soundtrack to my year

2005-12-13T10:05:00.000-06:00

i was inspired today by my friend jim, who recently posted his top ten albums of the year on his blog. and i thought to myself, "self," (that's what i call myself), "you should probably do something like this too. because you listen to music like, nonstop, so you should enlighten the world and tell everyone what you like, so that maybe they'll like it too." so here it is...my favorite top however many albums i decide to list for 2005...(in no particular order, well, actually alphabetical because i'm reading down my itunes list):

Anathallo ~ A Holiday at Sea: wow, these guys are incredible. i first heard them on purevolume and then later in the year went to a show with my main man kurt. honestly, it was one of the best live performances ever. their music is really, really deep lyrically and musically. it's like a nine piece band and they just jam out for a while, but not in an annoying phish jam band way. they just are who they are. tracks to check out: a holiday at sea; don't kid yourself, you need a physician.

Anberlin ~ never take friendship personal: ok, i fell in love with these guys the first time i ever heard them. stephen's voice is really different, and really sets them apart from the crowd. some may say that they're too "poppy", but i say, "who cares?" basically i connect with all of their songs in some way shape or form, so that will pretty much do me in when listening to a band. tracks to check out: paperthin hymn; a day late.

The Bled ~ pass the flask: if you are looking to straight up, just rock your face off, here is the album for you. this is definitely an album i've listened to over 30 times. raw emotion, guitar riffs, screaming, maybe some singing, it's all there. and more. plus they rock live too. tracks to check out: never met another gemini; dale earnhardt's seatbelt.

Bradley Hathaway ~ all the hits so far: k, so this is definitely a departure from my musical stylings. bradley is a poet. so his cd is all spoken word, just reading his poems. he states right off the bat in his book, that he really isn't a poet, he doesn't get into all the deep allegories and metaphors most poets do. he just writes what is on his heart. he writes about annoying hardcore kids, getting dumped, feeling joy, pleading with God, all the things that we go through on a daily basis. basically. highly recommend this one (comes with a book too). tracks to check out: manly man; the annoying hardcore kid that goes too far; another one of those nights.

Emery ~ the question: well, the first time i listened to the weak's end, my first thought was, i can't wait for their next album to come out. and i was not disappointed. the question is incredible. while the sound has changed a little, it has changed to the mature side of things, which is obviously a good thing. the songs rock, and the lyrics are so emotionally intense, everything is just tied together so well. if you want a cd that may actually challenge your perspective of the world, this is definitely one to get. tracks to check out: listening to freddie mercury; in a win, win situation.

Haste the Day ~ when everything falls: metal, metal, METAL! this band absolutely rocks. i don't really know what to say. there's not a lot of technical criticism of metal. basically, someone plays a riff, the other guy plays some rhythm, the drummer blast beats, the singer screams then sings then screams and so on, and the bassist does something that progresses the music, i guess. all in all, it's just a fun album to listen to. and come on, who doesn't love metal covers of the goo goo dolls. tracks to check out: when everything falls; long way down.

He is Legend ~ i am hollywood: probably the best signing that tooth and nail/solid state made in recent history. i'm not sure what it is about these guys that's so alluring. maybe it's the dreamy beard that the lead singer sports. or maybe it's their fun video for the seduction, done with hand puppets. anyways, it's a pretty tongue in cheek album, mocking all that is hollywood. just remember, there's a monster in my room, and we discuss movies over coffee. tracks to check out: act 1, scene 1: the seduction; act 3, scene 2: the walls have teeth (end scene).

Mae ~ the everglow: i'll be honest, i actually didn't like this album the first time i heard it. i really loved destination:beautiful, and this seemed a bit too much of a departure from that for me. but i listened to it again, and again, and it grew on me. i especially started to like it after i saw them live last spring. the music took on a new meaning after seeing them actually perform it. and my favorite song rings quite true in my own life, "i just wanna wake up, in someone elses..arms." tracks to check out: someone else's arms; mistakes we knew we were making.

Norma Jean ~ o' God, the aftermath: um...i don't even know where to start with this album. i was really, really worried about where norma jean was headed after the lead singer left to start the chariot. but this album basically stood up and slapped me in the face for ever doubting. the guitars are crushing, the lyrics deep (as usual), and it just flat out rocks. it's kind of fun too because they squash words together for the titles. tracks to check out: vertebraille (choke that theif called dependance); murderotica (an avalanche in D minor).

Showbread ~ no sir, nihlism is not practical: ok, so this didn't actually come out in 2005, but i'm pretty sure i didn't buy it til this year. so i'm counting it in the list. and cuz it's awesome. i'm not really sure how to describe these guys to you, other than out there. i mean...come on, they have a guy in the band that plays key-tar ( you know, that 80's new wave thing) and they put themselves in their own genre called spaz rock. i think that pretty well describes the state of things in showbread. tracks to check out: mouth like a magazine; stabbing art to death.

Starflyer 59 ~ talking voice vs. singing voice: i've been a huge fan of these guys for a really long time. i just wish tooth and nail would promote them better, they're amazing. the overall mood to this album is really haunting. there is just a real melancholy feeling to the lyrics and music that almost gives you the creeps. p.s. it's a little weird, if you didn't catch that from my earlier description. there, i warned you. tracks to check out: easy street; night life.

Thrice ~ vheissu: if you haven't heard thrice before, this is THE album to get first. absolutely incredible. the band has always struck me as pretty spiritual, and this album is no deviation. the tracks seem to speak of things deeper than ourselves, or the things of this world. and beside all the cool hidden meanings and stuff, they straight up rock. in fact, i think they'll rock your face off, so be ready with some duct tape or something in the event that listening to this album actually causes your face to fall off. tracks to check out: image of the invisible; red sky.

well, i'd say that's a pretty good list. so get started, go listen to some of these. have a nice day now.

dandelions

2005-12-12T15:58:00.000-06:00









In a field of yellow flowers,
underneath the sun,
bluest eyes that spark with lightning,
boy with shoes undone.
He is young, so full of hope,
reveling in tiny dreams,
filling up, his arms with flowers,
right for giving any queen.

Running to her beaming bright,
while cradling his prize.
A flickering of yellow light,
within his mother's eyes.
She holds them to her heart,
keeping them where they'll be safe,
clasped within her very marrow,
dandelions in a vase.

She sees love, where anyone else would see weeds.
all hope is found.
Here is everything he needs.

Fathomless your endless mercy,
weight I could not lift.
Where do I fit in this puzzle,
what good are these gifts?
Not a martyr, or a saint,
scarcely can I struggle through.
All that I have ever wanted,
was to give my best to you.

Lord, search my heart,
create in me something clean.
Dandelions
you see flowers in these weeds.

Gently lifting hands to heaven,
softened by the sweetest hush,
a Father sings over his children,
loving them so very much.
More than words could warrant,
deeper than the darkest blue,
more than sacrifice could merit,
Lord, I give my heart to you.

Dandelions ~ Five Iron Frenzy

Was just listening to this today on a whim.  I've always liked this song.

ready to end

2005-12-10T20:49:00.000-06:00

may cannot come soon enough. i'm ready to be done with all this crap that is school. i hate tests, i hate homework, and most importantly i hate professors who tell you one thing about a test and then put another on the actual test. makes it a little hard to study.

snow, pain, and the lion

2005-12-09T14:14:00.000-06:00

last night me and about 20 other people went out to enjoy the wonderment that is the snow here in peoria. it's actually quite amazing. i can't remember any of the last three years i've been here when we had this much snow this early. anyways, we played snow football. it was incredible. however, i'm incredibly sore right now, which is why i'm laying here on the couch right now.

later last night i went to see the chronicles of narnia with some more people. i was excited before going to the movie to see it, but after seeing it, i'm even more excited. it was an absolutely incredible movie. i'm now intending to read all the books over the winter break. nothing more to say really. probably need to study more.

concentration

2005-12-07T01:04:00.000-06:00

well, to begin with, today was st. nick's day. if you are unfamiliar with that german tradition, i'll fill you in. see apparently on the night of december 5th, st. nick comes to visit the little children (of german descent, of course), the children leave out a shoe or a sock, and st. nick fills it with candy or perhaps a small gift. i dunno, it's something my family has done ever since i was a kid. i'd assume (since my mom's side is pretty german) that it started a long time ago with my family. so, i got a package in the mail today from st. nick because i don't live at home anymore. i would put a picture of what i got up here, but my camera battery charger is MIA and the battery is dying. so i'll just tell you what i got. i got chocolate chip cookies, holiday m & m's, twizzler bites (which will be discussed later in this blog), and the book through painted deserts by donald miller.

so twizzler bites are probably one of the most amazing candies ever. i was having a discussion back around halloween with hopping about twizzlers because he had bought the small ones to give out to kids. we were trying to decide why the smaller ones seemed to taste better than what we remembered the big ones tasted like. here's what we decided. we feel that the twizzler coorporation must use the same amount of flavoring on all it's candies, thus making the smaller ones more concentrated with flavor, and in turn tasting better. therefore the bites must be the best tasting twizzlers on the market (which i had already decided anyways, but now i have a theory as to why).

rebates and gluttony

2005-12-05T23:16:00.000-06:00

yarg i was trying to add a profile picture, but apparently the website i had the photo on doesn't like me linking to it. which i think is silly, but whatever. so here is the picture i intended to make my profile photo.

in other news, i was thinking today about mail in rebates. the inherent problem with them, is that you have to remember to mail them in. i being scatter-brained and forgetful, don't always remember these subtleties of the mail in rebate. case in point. i was cleaning my room today and found one laying on my desk, for $40, that i hadn't sent in yet. luckily if it was postmarked today it was still good. so hopefully the pickup from the mailbox i droppped it in happened and it got sent on time. really i just want the $40 back.

also today, i was reminded of how much i love oatmeal. specifically quaker oats cinnamon roll oatmeal. a little milk, some heat...oh man, it's incredible. i was in a hurry before going to work today and needed a quick and easy food to make. that ended up being the solution to my problem. and a most delicious solution it was.

i also found out today that being a hungry man just doesn't cut it anymore, now you can be a hungry man xxl, with 1 and 1/2 pounds of food. i like the little note under that says "2 servings". if you're a real man, you can eat that whole thing. so hike up your skirt aunt sally, and down what would normally be enough food for 2 people and gorge yourself on some amazing frozen food.

finished

2005-12-04T19:10:00.000-06:00

the portfolio is finished. finally. i think i only put in like 20+ some hours working on it this week. but it looks good, so even though i nearly killed myself making it, it was worth the effort. now all i have to do is organize everything for the tech book and start studying for my finals. the end of the semester is in sight, finally.

this is the post i was intending to put up yesterday, but couldn't because i got side tracked with all my portfolio work. i figured i'd brag about my superior cooking skills. friday night i made an amazing dinner of stir-fried pork and sugar snap peas tossed in general tso's sauce. basically, i was really excited about it because i've been eating lots of cheapo frozen foods. i guess such is the life of a college student.

photographic insanity

2005-12-04T15:28:00.000-06:00

so i think that my photography portfolio is going to kill me. seriously. i worked on it from 1-9 yesterday, took a break to go to a friend's housewarming party, then went back in at 2 and worked till 7 this morning. i'm still not done. and i have to start studying for my finals. in case you're wondering, off to the left there is what a crazy person looks like (i.e. myself after doing all the photo work).

trashy trash trash

2005-12-02T15:01:00.000-06:00

i went out the other day to finish off my portfolio shots. while i was home i found two really incredible shots, one of a swan made out of trash, and the other of this old rusted out pickup. basically, it was a sign that i needed to quit being so complex about my portfolio and get back to what i enjoy taking pictures of...trash. so upon returning to bradley, i remembered the old abandoned house i was at last year, and went back, but shot around outside. got some really cool old farm machinery. so the picture there is one that i snapped with my digital camera. i'm probably going back sometime soon so i can get pictures with the snow on the ground, and i'll probably go back into the house.

i've been spending a lot of time in the darkroom these past few weeks, which is getting kind of old. i've already been there for about 16 hours this week. i guess in the end it's all good though because i'm turning out some prints that i'm really happy with, and i think this portfolio has a lot of potential. hopefully, if i can get the money together, i'm going to frame all the pieces and have a show with it. when i do, i'll make sure to let everyone know so they can come see it. and maybe buy a piece or two. ;-)

a new beginning

2005-12-01T01:19:00.000-06:00

I've decided that I'll start on my New Year's stuff a little early. I'm intending to post to this thing a little more often than my old one. So if you're always dying to know what's going on in my life, this is where to look. I decided I was fed up with the layout of Xanga, thus the move to here. So anyways...

Apparently the Christmas season is upon us. I'm sitting downstairs right now and Jake, Ben, and Sean have decided that there will be 24 hours of Christmas music played until Christmas day. It officially started one hour and twenty three minutes ago. Kinda crazy, but I've come to expect it from these guys.

Had to go MacGuyver on my glasses tonight. One of the screws fell out, and I couldn't find it. So I used a paper clip to hold the bow to the rest of the frames. It's a real picture of coolness.

I just spent 5 hours in the photo lab tonight, working on more prints for my portfolio for zone system. I think it's really shaping up to be an awesome set of photographs. In fact, I'm liking it so much, that I might try and see if I can do a senior show, even though I'm not actually in the BFA program. I'll have to talk to Beth. I suppose I should get to bed cuz I'm planning to get up and shoot tomorrow before class.